Best BIZZ-UY!

OK! Here's PROOF that the service is always better in Manhattan than in da hood...excuse me.. DUHH Hood. I went to Best B*y to pick up a piece of equipment that I needed for my lair... (unlike Batman, I don't have a clever, well paid computer expert tinkering in the east wing of my estate... I have to actually GO OUT and GET my stuff. ON SALE! Ugh, please don't get me started. I always forget my rewards card in my other utility belt and I lose out on free pens or reams of paper, but I digress) Anyways, I was taken care of by a "Round the Way" girl. I love me some Round the Way girls, as long as they aren't STANK like Moustacha from Rite A*d the other day. So I get to the counter and she asked me if I wanted the 2 year warranty on my purchase. I asked her if she could explain what I'd get for my dollar spent. GET THIS>>> SHE KNEW HOW TO ANSWER! She told me that I would be able to return my purchase if anything were to happen to it, except in the case of water damage or if I threw it at my boyfriend in a fit of rage. What's that? A little urban humor? OMG! VERYY GOOD!!!!!!!!! And, if she so happened to be sneaking her lunch behind the counter (which I have had to do in my pre WEPA days when I worked as a mere check out vixen at another large conglomerate that will go unmentioned...) I WAS TOTALLY UNAWARE OF IT! Get that! my belief was completely suspended! I thought that, for that brief moment, I was a PAYING CUSTOMER! There was KNOWLEGEABLE and AGREEABLE STAFF available that WEREN'T NOSHING there to help Lil' Ol' Wepa Woman.

To dream the impossible dream...

WEPPPPPPAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!

Rite Aid Byatches

Okay, so I go into a Rite Aid in my hood in the Boogie Down to get a prescription filled (Yeah I need to fill prescriptions, I am a superhero, but I am not totally superhuman). I could have gone to a Rite Aid in the city (manhattan) but I was already in the area and in some crazy, naive way, I still think that customer service is unilateral. Then I rememeber why I do things in the City. Because rich people expect nothing less than exceptional customer service, they believe that they are entitled to it, and in the city, you can never be sure who's rolling in it or who's a major broke ass. So customer service is generally at the top of the list. However, when you are more an a few stops up on the 6, even Miss Jenny from the Block would be succeptible to some neck rolling, bagel chompin behind the pharmacy counter while she handles your medicine, Bag O' Hair wearing, "I got my Pharmaceutical Assistants degree from Drake Business Academy" byatch who can't handle basic inquiries. I still can't figure out why it is so difficult for a person to simply admit, "I'm sorry, but I am not sure how to answer that question, but, perhaps my manager can help you out". Simple. Classy. Honest. Clear. Wow! What a novel idea?!
She asks me to choose my counsel direction. Excuse me? I don't understand the question. CHOOSE YOUR COUNSEL DIRECTION. WhuuuT??? I am not sure what it is that you are asking of me. YOUR COUNSEL> CHOOSE YOUR COUNSEL...
!!!FUCK! JOHNNY COCHRAN, OK??!!!
I am in a PHARMACY! Goddammit! What the hell are you asking me for. My prescription is filled, let me pay my shit and get outta here before I leave here with a handfull of your hair (it's yours if you've paid for it) in my hands.
If I am telling you that I don't understand the question or the procedure, it stands that I require clarification. Instead, this $6.75 an hour Diva (who should really lay off the Carbo-train) repeats the question LOUDER. AND LOUDER! Bitch, I didn't come here to buy replacement batteries for my HEARING AID I bought Antibiotics and some Band Aids... And why the hell do I need to choose my counsel options?! Since when does anyone ask that question? You know what? If I am supposed to be depending on you for medical counsel I'll pass. And you know what Bitch? Wash your hands and face. You got a little jelly on your moustache!

WEEEPPPPAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DIRE STRAITS...

I don't understand why it is so utterly inconceivable that I could enjoy Dire Straits. It truly seems to boggle the mind. I can appreciate that I have some quirkier tastes than my other Boricua counterparts, but to be called out because I played "The Sultans of Swing" at a dingy little watering hole the other night is, well, FUCKING IRRITATING to say the least. I am used to the jabs and sneers that I get from my fellow Ricans when they find out that their superhero has decided to forego a nice, juicy Pernil (roast pork shoulder) Sandwich, or to bypass Un plato de Arroz con Gandules con Chuletas Fritas y habichuelas guisadas blancas con orejitas( a plate of Rice with pigeon peas with fried pork chops with Spanish style stewed white beans with pig ears) for a heaping pile of stir fried tofu with vegetables and brown rice. The Inhumanity!!!
However, while among my fellow supeheroes and action seekers late on a Saturday night, knocking back brewski's, I had no idea that I would be sucker punched with blows,contesting my Brownness. Over a FUCKING TUNE! People should know better than to make classist, social jabs at an urban superhero who battles identity issues. It is a tender spot, one that I am sworn to defend by my honor. My existence is balanced on this premise.
The battle commences. Verbal gymnastics ensue. Epithets fly. I demand the right to listen to my "cracker music" in peace. It may have been because of my Liquid Loose Tongue, but I think I bashed the person pretty hard. Perhaps more than he had hoped. It breaks my heart that I don't feel any rest. But there is no rest when you are a hero, on call 7 days...

And no one is spared...

Singing"...He can play the Honky Tonk like anything!!" " We've got to install microwave ovens-custom kitchen deliverieeeesss!! We have to move these refrigerators-gotta move these color tv's"... (dire straits)

Sounds Blue Collar to ME, kids...

WEEEPPPPPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!

MORE ARTWORK!!!!!!!!!

There are soo many more to show you! Here is a taste!!!!

Pa'l Carajo con los Ratones!

I just received a post to Mice in my Lair that has made my day! Another incredible, indomitable force that is La Musa has reminded me of the Great Spirit that makes the wind blow and warms our faces in the summer... NO not Bain de Soleil, MOTHER NATURE! And she reminded me of how far away from CIVILization civilization has taken us. Be sure to read her commentary while I go off to pick up some sticky traps from the $.99 store.

WEEEPPPAAAAA!!!!!
AND here are the revised versions of the Martini glasses that didn't come out right in the last posting.

Que es Eso de Resolution ni Resolution??!!!

So it seems that people have this undying urge to set New Years Resolutions. That must be a Protestant thing, or perhaps it came from the Catholics. (If I offend... well...) It just seems like the kind of thing that is A) DESTINED FOR FAILURE and B) GREAT FOR DRIVING THE GUILT FACTOR IN JUST A LITTLE DEEPER. I don't remember ever making a big deal about a NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION. I don't think I actually experienced the pressure to succumb to a NYR until I got to college (notice that in college there was a great increase in the amount of contact I had with Anglo folks... hmm). I indulged the thought and resolved to lose a few pounds. I GAINED SO MUCH WEIGHT! The diet FAILED MISERABLY. I am Puerto Rican, man. The food is so rich and heavy and BOUNTIFUL! So the guilt of a diet coupled with the classic Catholic guilt of not finishing your food because of the poor families starving in Ethiopia and sprinkled with working class guilt of "Do you know many hours I had to work and floors I had to clean to get that food on the table?! TE LO VAS A COMER (flash of rage in the eyes of an otherwise passive woman... my mother)
I also have come in contact with the folks that, in an effort to make their resolutions stick or to reset themselves for the coming year decide to embark on a spiritual quest,stay in, reflect on the ups and downs of the year, take an emotional inventory and spend the first moments of the new year in quiet reflective serenity. Honorable. BOOORIIIINGGG!!!!!!

NYR are retarded and are destined to FAIL! I have resolved to go to the POOL more often, before the summer starts, resolved to diet (this is Bally's Total Fitness' BEST TIME OF THE YEAR!) BULLSCHITT!!! If there were ever a resolution that I had that I truly wish to stick to it is to be more loyal to myself, to end self sabotaging behavior. To be a better friend. A better Hero. That is something that one night didn't stir up.

What New Years DID manage to stir up were a few Martinis, loud music, and a most impressive DECLOTAGE!

FORGET about the NYR's. Just get off your asses and start your LIVES, lived abundantly, honestly and generously!

CHEERS EVERYONE Y WEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!